13/01/15
“I must admit that it is pretty complicated.”
“It shouldn’t be.”
“They aren’t for me. However, to explain it to someone else is another problem.”
“Just try.”
“This is going to be weird. Let’s go…”
Big breath.
“There are countless things to say.
I don’t want to bother her, so I don’t talk but I could speak for hours if she wanted to.
I don’t go crazy in front of her but I’m trying to stay true to myself.
I could do almost anything for her if she asked me to. Call that kindness, pleasure… Whatever.
I’d be happy if she gave me some attention, but I’d also be happy if she didn’t.
I’m curious about her life, but I’m not sure I want to know, nor if I have the right to know. Not everything at least. Her origins, her story… I’d like to discover and understand but I don’t want to force her to say anything.
I don’t wait for anything but yet she could become everything.
I always talk about me but I’d like to talk about her.
A ‘we’ could be nice, whatever is behind it. I don’t care.
Fears are here too. Fear of doing bad and hurting, fear of failing, fear of speaking, fear of silence, fear of dreaming, fear of creating, fear of trying… Fear of telling the truth…
I do care about all this but in the end it doesn’t matter to me…”
“Why do you think so much?”
“I don’t think. It is in me. It is the result of a conflict between the heart and the mind. Between some crazy hope and a cynical realism. Between childhood and adulthood.”
“Why did you say all this to me?”
“…”
“Listen to your heart. Feelings are its job. What you’re talking about must be lived and felt. The mind has nothing to do with it. In other words…”
A painful slap. A light and hesitant kiss.
“You wanted to know what comes next? Here you are.”
“…”
“I’m neither blind, nor stupid, don’t worry about me. I simply have my own struggles, too.”